i'm so lonely.
i don't wanna depend on dan for relief
i hate myself. stupid, shitty, broken dog can't make friends. all i can do is work and go to school and leech off others
someone fucking shoot me
So, a lot's been done.
I quit the airport job. Work at the stadium has been consistent and I had my psych look at my resume to help me get on a better track.
She wants me to look into driving schools because there's literally no way otherwise. Chris and I aren't really speaking.Mom works now (shocker omg) so there's no car on the weekday afternoons.
Theraoist says I'm doing way better and we can cut down on the visits. Woo-hoo! I made progress.
Dan and I are still doing well. I had a brief fit of anger at him when he got pissy/frustrated/tantrum-y when we were playing League of Legends. So I snapped back and told him to uninstall if he was gonna get like this every time. I appreciate him trying the game for me, but he just can't handle the competitive nature of the game.
Jericho got us Borderlands 2, so we've all been playing that together. That's awesome!
Jericho and I are also on a Gundam kick right now. We're re-watching Wing, and omg it's terrible. Jericho got me into 00 and I -love- it and refuse to touch wing. We're also getting into 08th MS Team. Jericho was watching 0083, since I bought Dynasty Warriors Gundam 3 and I was playing as Kou Uraki for a bit and I hated his mechanics. 0083 is a short series, so I might buy into that slowly, since Universal Century timeline (Mobile Suit Gundam, Zeta Gundam, 0080, 0083, 08th MS Team, Unicorn, War in the Pocket, Char's Counterattack, etc) is an important part of the franchise, although it's more famous for it's non-UC timeline (Wing, G, 00, Seed, etc). Then there's Turn A, which is technically BOTH UC and Alternate Universe. But I hate the protagonist's Gundam design. (though KUDOS for it being an effeminate black man).
Oh and I'm building models. I finished Dynames from 00 today, I also got coming in the mail an RX-78 (original Gundam), Zaku II, and Gouf!
feels so great to have a social life again
i don't like the prospect of her hanging out with him. or being his friend, not after what they did. it's not my place to do or say anything though. i kind of have to deal with it.
i keep thinking more and more that i'm coming to terms with it all, and then the overwhelming feeling of just...shittiness comes back. but whatever. he's told me not to blame myself, everyone else is telling me not to blame myself.
he failed me. i did everything i could. i more than held up my end of everything.
and I need to look at it from an angle of it's more practical. Less of a burden. Now I don't feel bad about putting my efforts into piecing a better life together.
i will get a car this year. it's stopping me so much from accomplishing anything. i'm going to start looking for work again too. i need to schedule an appointment with the therapist too when the school year starts.
kind of over this winter break. i wanna be back in school already.